I have been the ‘young mum’, the ‘stay at home mum’, the ‘working mum’, the ‘trying to hold my shit together mum’ and now I am a ‘student mum’! I feel like I have many hats to my experienced shelf but that does not stop me feeling a little lost sometimes.
Trying to be the best I can be 24/7 is a tremendously hard task. I shouldn’t beat myself up the one time I forget to send in that optional £2 book shop donation to my daughter’s school. Or the time I had to drive back to the school last minute after realizing the swimming bags were still on the back seat. Or the time I bought the kids a McDonald’s tea when I was too tired to cook. Or the nights the washing up gets forgotten until the morning as I have fallen asleep on the couch.
I cannot be the ‘best’ all the time, I will burn out! I found this out the hard way, a few years ago; every time we went on holiday (to unwind), as soon as I switched off ‘mummy mode’ I would fall ill. My body would rebel! I guess I was pushing it too far. I was trying to be the ‘American mum’ who bakes the best cookies, volunteers at the school, while holding down a job, keeping the house spotless, cooking nutritious/healthy meals and still finding the time to bath the children every night, read them a bed time story and mind my Ps and Qs. Letting go of this image that I had in my head of the ‘perfect mum’ was hard but I don’t think I would have survived if I hadn’t given myself a break. Forgiving myself was the first step.
When I ask the children if they sometimes wish they had a different mum, they always answer no – so I must be doing something right! Since starting my further education at university (and being the person that I am, wanting to be over-prepared for every lesson), I have had less time for the children. This was hard during the first two months and I experienced some extreme ‘mum guilt’, however I kept reminding myself that I am not only completing this course for myself, but for them too. I am showing them the rewards for hard work and preparation. I am being a role model! Nowadays I feel less guilty and more proud of myself.
Luckily there are tasks that I can do to enhance my academic journey while also spending time with the children. It helps that they both have a love for literature and are happy to be my audience/guinea-pigs. I have also started bringing them with me to (age appropriate) literary event and libraries.
To all mums out there – you are doing fine! All you can do is be the best you can be without burning yourselves out. Learn to put your sanity first from time to time; and enjoy parenthood before the children grow up – they don’t care whether the dishes are done or not!!!
REDSMITHS and ROBINS 